It was like riding a bike without a red back light,
Any car could come behind and kill.
You thought I would wake up and act right,
My body thrusting, but my mind was still.
Cheating on you, not the tests,
I’d always pass the ones involving health.
You thought I was unlike the rest,
When in fact my malignancy was rich in wealth.
An innocence so pure,
Before you, wasn’t ever seen.
You thought I’d be the cure,
But now you stand as my regretful Queen.
Sometimes the words don’t find themselves
The truth doesn’t come unglued from beneath
The rainbow that appears after showers
Subdue to cliché shades of gray.
Sometimes the stares at blue lined white paper
The burps of cheap beer
Or even the sound of ice clinking in my mixed drink
Don’t react to the memories the way they normally do.
Sometimes it’s easy to blame the absence of booze
To relate originally composed metaphors to intoxication
The perfect diction coming solely from a hurt addiction
Sobriety to be classified as the flooding hunger of anxiety.
The rectangle from a few days ago opens up
I wince at first
The hole isn’t doesn’t bring in as much light.
A pair of eyes stare into the room
They turns the light on
The one that has been in motion because of the fan,
In motion since I last remember.
The light burns, but not just my eyes.
I feel the pain of a multitude of bulls ramming into me
Taking turns with their horns. The rectangle shuts, but I only know because of the sound it made.
It lasts 30 seconds at most before the light goes off
But what do I know about sense of time?
Speeding just to stop at red lights
Smoking in parking lots without headlights
Steamy back seat car sex
Spelling our initials on the window with foggy context
Sitting on front porches showing overbites
Smiles stay on our faces over night..
Separating my clothes into boxes
Sights water as you see the garbage man dump them away
Sadness embraces the arms that used to hug me back.
Sorry we’ve dwindled to just a memory.
We weren’t perfect
But our tenure together wasn’t worthless
But on the surface
I’m plain; Quite wordless.
You and I were a circus
we laughed and applauded to,
but my misdemeanors continuously haunted you.
close without a call
Makes sense, I guess, since after all
I’m just a bullet without purpose.
Nobody sees the tears of a class clown
behind the paint that masks frowns,
To the grave I’ll carry my burdens.
Rats made a hole to bottom left of the wall in front of me
A single ray of light protrudes through
It might take a while,
But I can finally get used to something other than the color of pitch black.
The hole gives way to the light in the center
Continuously moving from the ceiling fan.
Is there a way to truly to illuminate this hell?